In week 3 of “The Science of Well-Being,” several topics are covered, but I'm going to focus on the discussion on social comparison and how it affects our happiness.
Our minds don’t think in terms of absolutes—they have to have something to compare a new experience with in order to process it. Because we don’t often have a next-door example to compare with, so we sometimes judge ourselves relative to irrelevant reference points.
Even if our reference points are relevant, just a slight shift in perspective can drastically affect how the comparison makes us feel. An interesting example is a study on facial expressions of Olympic medalists during medal ceremonies. The study found that bronze medal winners look happier than silver medalists because they were happy just to medal at all, while silver medal winners were disappointed that they didn’t win the gold.
When we use social comparison (evaluating what you have relative to what other people have), we often end up comparing ourselves to unrealistic reference points such as celebrities or characters on television shows, since we see and soak in that information. This “keeping up with the Joneses” causes us to feel unhappy because it seems like we don’t have as much as those we are comparing ourselves with.
Tip of the Week
Make a habit of increasing your social connection and taking part in more random acts of kindness. Help a coworker with a project, give money or time to a cause you believe in, say something nice to a stranger, write a thank you note, give blood, etc. Challenge yourself to make one new social connection each day. For example, ask a coworker about their day, chat with the cashier at a coffee shop or restaurant, connect with a friend who’s far away or a family member you haven’t talked to in a while. To avoid social comparison, try staying off social media for a week unless you are directly messaging a friend!